Happy Trick
by Alkoi
Summary: Dave gets turned into a Trickster, Bro rethinks his actions as a guardian, John realizes maybe both Cool Dave and Trickster Dave make his insides all mushy, and Trickster Dave already knows he wants to claim his Johnny-boy. This is an AU where Bro survives and Trickster Mode is not contagious. YAOI DavexJohn Pepsicola Hammertime
1. Chapter 1

Dave shuddered, groaning and whimpering as he clutched his head, writhing on the floor of his room in pain, biting his bottom lip as he tried to keep himself from screaming.

He didn't even know what had happened to cause this, he had bumped into this weird-looking kid a few hours ago, who - supposedly thinking it was his fault and not Dave's, had given him an enormous swirly sucker, and promptly ran off giggling.

… It also seemed as if the person knew him, but Dave knew that was impossible and simply believed the guy just acted over-familiar with anyone.

He had gone home, and after having it checked by Bro – Dave had to be sure it hadn't been drugged or some shit, and Dave hadn't learnt that yet.- it had been given the okay, and because that thing looked freaking fantastic, Dave had eaten it...

All of it.

And three minutes later, here we are, with Dave sobbing into his knees as he curls up in pain.

Dave clutched his legs so tight his knuckles were bone white, eyes clamped shut, he did not realise what was happening...

Dave's pale blonde hair was slowly becoming a bright teal, green swirls emerging on his cheeks, behind his eyelids the iris became a light pink with a black spiral design. His red, black and white record t-shirt had turned yellow on the sleeves, and the record on it had turned pink, black skinny jeans turning light pink, and red converses turning deep green with yellow laces. Normal sunglasses being replaced with pink heart-shaped ones with dark tinted lenses.

Dave had lost the fight with trying to keep himself silent and wailed in pain, suddenly loud footsteps were heard sprinting towards Dave's room, before the door slammed open and Bro had barged into the bedroom.

"Dave what the fu-...Dave!" Bro started, but saw Dave lying on the ground, limp and breathing heavily, face hidden by teal hair, and rushed forward towards his little brother/ectobiological son.

Falling to his knees Bro slid an arm around Dave's shoulders and lifted him to a sitting position, Dave's head lolled into his chest, making his heart jump as he watched Dave's unresponsive body.

"C'mon kid, wake up lil' man...C'mon..." Bro shook him frantically, receiving nothing he started to check him over, mind going silent as his panic focused his thoughts solely on making sure his little bro was okay.

The persterchum program on Dave's computer trilled, and he looked up after making sure Dave was only unconscious and not dying or ill.

He was worried though, why did Dave look so different, and what the hell was up with his clothing?!

Bro slowly got up with Dave in his arms, lying him on the bed and walking over to his brothers computer.

- tentacleTherapist [ TT ] began pestering turntechGodhead [ TG ] at 13:23 -

TT : Hello, Dave.

TG : sup rose

TT : I heard that you still haven't confessed to John yet, how long are you going to drag this out?

TG : dude rose you know how he is always saying he isnt a homosexual or some crap

TG : i confess and he wont talk to me EVER again

TT : Are you sure? I've heard from Jade that he might have a crush on you.

TG : yeah where did she hear that?

TT : I don't know, all she keeps saying is to get you and John together, as soon as possible.

TG : like thatll ever happen john is as straight as a ruler straight out the factory

TG : so straight its cutting edge

TG : straighter than a freaking homophobe

TT : Aren't you exaggerating a slight amount?

TT : I know John is always telling you he isn't a homosexual.

TT : But have you not noticed the suspicious blush on his face when you mention something that insinuates a relationship?

TG : flush of fury man havent you seen the trolls talking about quadrants and pale shit and stuff?

TG : yeah well in troll terms so you and your lovely gf kanaya understand

TG : he is so pale for me that it is like paler than a paper white sheet

TG : get it?

TT : Yeah I understand how you might get that sort of idea

TG : one sec I suddenly feel hella sick

TG : feels like my stomach is boiling and my head is being crushed

TT : Dave? Are you okay? What brought this on?

TT : Dave? Are you there?

TT : Answer me Dave! Dave?!

TG : Hey this is lil' man's friend Rose right?

TT: Who is this? You, unlike Dave actually know how to type properly.

TT : Is Dave alright?

TG : This is his big brother, Bro, and I have no idea if he is alright or not cause he was screaming in pain on the floor when I came in and then he passed the fuck out.

TG : He looks absolutely insane as well, his hair is bright green and he has green swirls tattooed on his cheeks or something.

TT : Oh dear, is he wearing outrageously bright clothing? Does he have something stuck to his hair?

TG : Yes to the bright ass clothing, but something stuck to his hair?

TT : Like a candy, or a food or some sweet thing.

TG : Let me check.

- turntechGodhead has gone idle -

Bro stood up quickly, turning to his brother and looking at him again.

He now noticed a large strawberry that sat on the right side of Dave's head, looking like it was going absolutely nowhere.

He tugged on it slightly, not a single bit of movement, the thing seemed as if it was literally grafted onto Dave's head, Bro frowned and was now even more worried.

Quickly sitting back down at his brothers computer Bro began typing again.

- turntechGodhead is no longer idle -

TT : Well?

TG : Yeah, there was a strawberry fucking grafted to the right side of his head.

TT : I was hoping this wasn't the case.

TT : When he came back from his walk, did he have this really big spiral sucker on him?

TG : Yeah, he got me to check it over in case there was anything weird in the thing.

TG : Why did that thing cause this?

TG : And what the hell is this anyway?

TT : Damnit, this is not good at all.

TT : That giant sweet sucker causes people to activate their 'Trickster' modes.

TT : It gives them enormous power boosts.

TT : But they act painfully happy all the time, and they are quite psychotic.

TT : It wears off...slowly, very, very slowly.

TT : All I can say is that you should keep Dave as happy as possible, as well as keep any and all confectionaries AWAY.

TG : Your telling me until this shitty thing wears off I'm going to have a psychotic lil bro?

TT : He will be extremely hyper and dorky, as well as switching emotions at the flick of a switch he will have enough strength to snap you in two if he tried hard enough.

TT : I don't exactly know if I am exaggerating or underestimating the power boost.

TT : But from what I have seen it seems very likely I am correct.

TG : So I'm going to have to survive a power-monger kid-on-a-sugar-high Dave for however long it takes for the damn sucker power to wear off?

TG : Shit.

TT : I'm sorry, but that is all I can help you with, I wish you good luck, I'll tell the others to avoid angering Dave.

TT : At all, for as long as possible, for now goodbye. Bro.

TG : Yeah, see you little Roxy.

TT : ...I am not my mother, goodbye.

- tentacleThreapist [ TT ] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [ TG ] at 13:36 -

Bro sighed, closing the pesterlog and turning the computer off. He now felt very resigned. His Dave, his lil' man would be acting completely off for the next...however long...

He would have to hide the smuppets and Lil Cal if Dave didn't like them still, if only to make sure nothing happened with him.

...Also, apple juice, tons of apple juice.

He stood, walking over to Dave where he was lying, looking completely at ease as he slept.

Bro sat down at the edge of the bed, reaching out to stroke Dave's hair gently.

"Well, little man, guess I'm gonna have to get you a tonna apple juice to keep you happy...hell I should have done that beforehand rather than stuffing my swords in the fridge with nothing consumable in there...when was the last time I went grocery shopping? Fuck, when was the last time we had a home cooked meal?" Bro said, carding his hand through the soft teal locks.

Dave seemed to smile goofily in his sleep, curling up and shuffling closer to his big brother.

"I'm a terrible bro, huh? Strifes and smuppets when I should be makin' sure you're happy." Bro sighed, gently lifting Dave into his lap, resting his head on his shoulder and shuffling back to lean against the wall.

A few minutes later, Dave's smile had become even larger, and then his eyes had opened behind the sunglasses that had slipped down his nose, revealing the odd pink eyes.

"Huaa...? Broooo...Why are you HUGGING mee?" He asked, with a dorky looking grin as he looked up at Bro, voice sounding absolutely gleeful.

"You fainted, lil' man, wanted to make sure you were right as rain when you woke up." Bro replied easily, shuffling as Dave wrapped his arms tightly around his middle.

"Awwww! You're the BEST big bro ever!" He squealed, Bro felt his breath getting short as the wiry arm's unnatural strength became apparent.

"That's awesome you think that lil' man, but if you could let your best big bro breathe that would be very appreciated!" He almost wheezed, Dave laughed loudly, arms slipping from the death hug with Bro and stared up at him with an elated grin.

"Sooooorrrryyyyyyy! Hahahahaha, I just HAD to show my appreciation for caring y'know!" Dave giggled happily, shifting as his brother wriggled to sit straighter against the wall, looking into the anime shades on the larger Strider.

"Hey, lil' man, do you like the Smuppets and Lil Cal always being around the house?" Bro decided to get it done quickly, and not learn if so later on.

Dave's grin did slightly fall, eyes flashing with what looked like fear. "Weeeeeellll, they ARE pretty creepy, y'know Bro? Aaaaalways appearing out of nowhere, kinda like one moment they're not there..." He curled his hands into what looked like claws and lunged jokingly at Bro. "Then suddenly BOO! They aare!"Dave whined, looking up at Bro with an adorable pout on his face.

"I'll go put them away in my closet then, if it bothers you so much." Bro assured Dave, whose eyes brightened significantly and he grasped his biceps excitedly.

"REAALLY?!" Dave squealed happily, crazily elated eyes staring out at him, as Dave had pushed his sunglasses up to rest on top of his head.

Bro nodded, Dave laughed delightedly, and hugged him tightly again.

"YAY!"

Oh dear god this was going to be terrifying...

Bro Strider, killed by the hyperactivity of Dave Strider under trickster sugar rush influence...

* * *

Wow I wrote this in one sitting, sheeeeesh that was cool.

Okay, so I know this is different from Homestuck, it is an AU, Bro survived because I LOVE HIM AND THAT SHIT WAS WAY TOO GOD DAMN SAD.

So yeah, this is Pepsicola or otherwise known as Hammertime or DavexJohn/JohnxDave.

Have you noticed how much I ship yaoi couples?

I have.

It's unhealthy.

I hope you like it, it is going to be slow updates as I am currently rewriting my crossover story, please review and favourite.

Constructive criticism is very much appreciated as well as compliments as that is mega motivation.

All flames will be ignored because frankly even though Homestuck doesn't belong to me, the idea for the story is and I have full reign over my story.

Alkoi


	2. Chapter 2

Dave giggled wildly as he hopped up and down, watching as Bro gathered up his smuppets around the house, systematically picking them up and apologizing to them before he stuffed them into bags.

It was hilarious and gave Dave a rush of happiness that before the WONDERFUL treat he had been given by that stranger he had never had, all because Bro was getting rid of the scarrryyy smuppets just for him.

Bro had finally gotten rid of all of the smuppets and stuffed them into his rooms closet, except for Lil Cal, who he was having a deep stare down with, face serious and hand on the hilt of his katana.

"Now, Lil Cal, I'm sorry man but I gotta keep you in my room from now on, but whenever I go out DJing I'll make sure to bring you." Dave giggled harder, floating upwards slightly as he clutched his stomach, watching his big brother say goodbye.

Lil Cal was then taken from his perch inside the fridge, and disappeared into Bro's room.

Dave watched, on the verge of hysterical laughter when Bro looked into the bare-faced fridge.

"Fucking hell, the only thing we have in the fridge is a three-year old canned tuna- oh GOD WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!" Bro threw himself away from the tuna can as soon as it was taken out of the fridge and put onto the counter.

The tuna can had gotten so old that it had fallen apart as soon as it hit the counter, brown lumps falling out of the foul-smelling container, the reek wafted through the room and Dave immediately stopped laughing, coughing at the absolutely disgusting smell.

"Abscond! Lets get the fuck out of here and buy some god damn Fabreeze or some shit... along with some groceries..." Bro groaned, plugging his and Dave's nose, opening all of the windows and closing all the doors behind them to keep the smell from spreading to other rooms.

"Sheeeeeeeesshh, that was disguuuuusting! WHY did that tuna smell so baaad!" Dave whined, stomping his feet as soon as Bro and he had left their home and had let go of both their noses.

"It was in there for like three years, it went bad ages ago... I should have noticed it was there... point 3 to me in shitty parenting." Bro sighed, stuffing his hands into his pockets and looking at Dave, who was smiling very giddily.

"You're the best parent ever, best bro ever, EVEEERRRR." His voice was high-pitched and cute, Bro realized Dave sounded 9 again and smiled, reaching out with the hand closest to Dave and carefully ruffled his teal hair.

"Cute, lil' man, I guess you don't really realist how bad I am at this big bad parenting shtick... Hell I beat you up for most of your life." Bro grumbled halfheartedly.

Dave looked up at him through heart-shaped sunglasses, and grinned almost maniacally.

"You're the best brooo eeveeerrrr, and if ANYONE says otherwise..." He giggled wildly, holding his mouth and stomach, before finishing his sentence with such conviction it sent a slight shiver down Bro's spine.

"_I'll __**kill **__them._" Dave purred darkly, grin slightly sharper than the usual bright ones.

"Kid, you don't need to do that." Bro assured him, tugging the dorkily dressed boy into a short hug, that was extended by the binding arms that entwined around his waist.

"Okaay Big Brooothheerrr." Dave giggled, snuggling into his chest slightly, before smiling cheerfully up at him, and dancing down the road, stopping every once in a while to make sure Bro kept up. "Hurrryyy UP slow-poooooke! Or I'll leave ya in the duuuuust!" He sung jubilantly, watching as Bro groaned dramatically.

"A Strider always takes life as it comes lil' bro, I rarely rush..." Bro yawned, covering his mouth, "That, and I woke up way earlier than usual." He added, causing Dave to giggle.

"A big bro is always looking out for his liiittle broo! C'mon big Bro!" He hopped from one foot to the other, a big grin splitting his face.

"Dave?" An unsure voice called from the other side of the road, causing both Bro and Dave to turn their heads in said direction, seeing...

"JOHNNY-BOOOOOOOOYYY!" Dave squealed, actually flying across the road to tackle John Egbert in a tight hug. "You didn't ever mention you'd be viiiiisiiitiiiing! I could have plaaaannned!" He lamented childishly, a cute pout on his face.

The average sized, lanky boy chuckled weakly from under him, blue eyes closed in slight pain as he wrapped his thin, pale arms around Dave's colorful shoulders.

"I wanted it to be a nice surprise Dave! … Dave... are you wearing heart-shaped sunglasses?" John asked suddenly, looking into Dave's eyes, or into his sunglasses at least.

Dave blushed and smiled happily.

"Yeah, I look cuuuuuute don't I?" He giggled hard, standing and pulling John up by the hands, entwining his own with John's. As soon as John was standing he looked John up and down.

Average height with an adorable lanky body, fluffy spikes of jet black hair, skin milky white and eyes such a deep blue Dave almost got lost in the intensity, framed by rectangular glasses.

He was wearing dark blue jeans, red and yellow shoes, a light blue hoodie with a breeze icon on it, and had held a rather large, goofy looking hammer.

"And..so do yoooooou..." Dave almost purred, slinking closer to John and talking into his ear, before jumping away and using the hold he had on both of John's hands to twirl around with him happily. "You are adoooorable! Adorkable ABSOLUTELY cuuuuuuuuuuute!" He shrieked, John watched the cool kid in shock...

This was WAY different from expected.

When Rose told him about the trickster problem he had no idea it would be this much of a change of Dave's usual behaviour, but he guessed he should have considering the freaky behavior of Jake, Jane and Roxy when they were hyped up on Trickster Mode.

Bro smirked slightly, watching the two, after reading Dave's pesterlog he knew about Dave's love for the short Egbert.

Flash-stepping over to the other side of the road he watched as Dave started floating, John following, Bro cleared his throat to gain the attention of the both of them.

Dave look at Bro who was leant against a street light, smirking at him and pointing teasingly at John who was staring at Dave's attire in shock. Dave went bright pink and lowered himself and John to the ground, hugging John and grinning cheerfully at Bro.

John blushed as he was pulled into soft arms, hugged tightly and tucked into Dave's neck.

"Look Bro! My pretty Johnny!" Dave lilted, lifting John up in his arms and walking up to Bro, who pushed his triangular shades up and nodding.

"Good job, lil' man." He praised, at the sound of Bro's deep tenor John realized what it looked like with him in Dave's arms and started trying to wriggle free, Dave sighed heavily, pouting as he set John down on the ground and let go of him.

"Daaave." John whined, crossing his arms and looking up at him in what Dave could only describe as mega-freaking-ohmygodADORKABLE with his buckteeth sticking out cutely, "I am not a homosxual!" He said for at least the millionth time.

Dave frowned, looking darkly at John from behind his sunglasses, knowing that claiming his Johnny-boy would be a pain if he kept denying him. 'Homosexuality didn't even come into it.' Dave thought angrily, 'He's mine and he'll be mine forever, MINE MINE MINE.' Dave almost growled inside of his head, shoving the nagging of Original-Dave ( Cool-Dave. )

Original-Dave could shove being cool down his damn throat, Johnny-boy and Bro were his and he would kill to make sure they stayed that way.

John and Bro looked slightly worried as Dave suddenly looked like the normal Dave, except with ridiculous clothing and a mania to any and all of his facial expressions.

"Lil'man?" Bro prodded Dave, who instantly giggled and hugged Bro as tight as he could without breaking him, snuggling into his chest and grinning widely at the both of them.

"Yeeeeeees?!" He asked joyfully, watching Bro wince and loosening his hold on his big brother.

"You alright?" John asked, looking at how Dave snuggled closer to the elder Strider, heart panging slightly for some reason.

Dave smiled further, Johnny was worried about him? Yay!

"I'm dandy daisy Johnny-boy!" He sung, pulling away from Bro and dancing dorkily in front of the both of them. "See?"

"Okay..." John nodded slightly, before looking at the now straightened up Bro Strider, holding up a hand and waving at the taller man "Hello, Mr. Strider." He greeted finally, better late than never huh?

Bro nodded towards the black-haired boy, before quickly walking to catch up with Dave who was now skipping to the store without him. Calling back to John.

"You wanna come with us? Need'ta get food and stuff, you have a place to stay or do you wanna sleep in Dave's room? We have a spare futon somewhere." John blinked in surprise at the question, picking up the large hammer and running over to follow the two brothers.

"Well I wasn't planning on staying a whole day, but the others probably wouldn't mind hahaha." John laughed awkwardly, scratching the back of his head and Dave fell back to walk next to him.

"You can stay right? Right right RIGHT?!" He jumped up and down next to him, hands clasped together and face contorted into an over-exaggerated pleading expression.

John took out his phone, tapping the pesterchum on it.

– ectoBiologist [ EB ] started pestering gardenGnostic [ GG ] at 09: 17 –

EB: jade, do you mind if i stay with dave for a few days?

GG: yeah sure! how long are you going to stay?

EB: i dunno, maybe five days

GG: awww im going to miss you! have fun!

GG: but be careful, trickster dave might be more dangerous than you think!

EB: dont worry ill be fine jade

EB: hes just really clingy and happy

EB: all the time.

GG: okay! Gotta go, bye!

– gardenGnostic [ GG ] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [ EB ] at 09:21 –

John put his phone back into his pocket and nodded to Dave.

"I'm staying for around 5 days, give or take." He informed, Dave cheered and did a flip in the air, landing on his feet and then hugging John quickly.

"Did'ya hear that big Bro! He's staaaaaying!" Dave sung, looking up at Bro who was walking slightly behind them.

"I heard, better get out the old futon... Do you not like apple juice or pizza, John?" Bro asked, looking at John who shook his head.

"No, I'm fine with that, but I'm allergic to peanuts." John replied, smiling at Bro who nodded slightly.

"Kay, we wont be having pizza all the time anymore though Dave, Strider's are healthy, and I've been neglecting your diet." He said seriously, Dave pouted.

"Aww..." He then perked up, and nodded "Aaaanything for you big bro!"

They arrived at the store soon later, Dave had to be held back from tackle-hugging a small dog that was tied up in front of the shop, and they quickly went inside.

John had to keep himself from blushing, he had to hold Dave's hand to keep him from wandering off.

Bro walked about the aisles with them trailing after him, a shopping cart being maneuvered in one hand and his phone in the other, he kept looking from the phone to the aisles and sometimes picking things up to put in the cart.

Dave and John both noticed it, but only Dave decided to ask what he was doing.

"Why are you cooonstantly looking at your phone? Is there a special thing or soomething? I wanna see!" He asked loudly, gaining odd looks from some of the passing shoppers for his speech and appearance.

"Jane is helping me shop." Bro answered simply, tapping the screen and typing replies to what Jane was saying to him.

Dave burst into giggles, and John had to hold back a laugh.

Who knew the unbeatable Bro Strider didn't know how to shop for groceries properly.

Bro simply sighed, he hadn't gone food shopping in years...

Thank god Jane was there.

– timaeusTestified [ TT ] started pestering gutsyGumshoe [ GG ] at 09:29 –

TT: Sup, Jane.

TT: I need your help, I'm in a grocery store.

TT: What do I buy for a weeks worth of food?

GG: Are you serious?

GG: You? In a grocery store?

TT: I know, so surprising it isn't even ironic.

TT: Help me.

GG: Okay, so what have you got so far?

TT: A shopping cart.

GG: … Okay, what haven't you got in your fridge?

TT: Food, and drinks.

GG: Nothing, you have absolutely nothing in your fridge.

GG: Am I reading this correctly?

TT: I have nothing in my fridge.

TT: Bare as the back of a bald man's head.

GG: I'll give you a list of what you'll need.

TT: Thanks.

GG: Meats, milk, eggs, cheese, butter/margarine, juice, bread, jams, vegetables, fruits, what do you have in your cupboards?

TT: Nothing..

GG: ...What do you even eat at your house, furniture? Nevermind.

GG: Get cereal for your cupboards, a cookbook or two, canned vegetables, some quick to make things like fast noodles and ready made dinners, and whatever else you think is healthy or would be nice to have,

TT: Thanks for the help.

GG: I don't want to know why you have only just now decided to start eating like a normal person.

GG: But I am glad I could help.

TT: Gotta go, John is trying to keep Dave from wandering off again.

GG: Okay, take care!

– timaeusTestified [ TT ] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [ GG ] at 19:24 –

While they had been walking down the vegetable and fruit aisle, Dave had spotted the strawberries, and was desperately trying to get over to them, whining and pulling and stomping as John had grabbed him, keeping him still and stopping him from moving any further towards the strawberries.

"Dave please stop struggling!" John pleaded, trying to keep a grip on Dave as he complained.

"Joooooooohhnnn! STRAAAWBERRIES! C'mooooon!" Dave cried, before pausing for a moment, leaning towards him suavely "_I'll share with yoooou..._" John blushed deep red, before blinking dumbly as Dave grinned victoriously, suddenly out of his now loosened grip.

Dave turned to run to the strawberries, only to run into a soft polo shirt and hard chest.

"Careful there, lil' man." Bro said, casually holding Dave in the crook of his arm while he used a free hand to grab a bag of potatoes, looking at Dave who was glaring maliciously up at him, he felt sharp prickles slide down his neck, shuddering. "You wanted strawberries, yeah? How many?" he added, looking down at Dave who instantly started grinning jubilantly.

"Sooo many! I want them AAALLL!" Dave slide out from Bro's hold and spread his arms wide, almost hitting a passer-by in the face in the process, who promptly grumbled angrily and walked even faster.

John watched them, Bro really seemed different, that last time he met Bro he was silent and stoic and had dragged Dave up to the roof of the building they lived in to strife.

But it was cute to see Dave acting so happy around Bro, and it was also endearing to see the older brother show affection for his little brother, even if his facial expressions barely changed at all.

Bro chuckled, making his way quickly to the boxes of strawberries, peering down before grabbing at least seven boxes and placing them into the cart.

Dave's smile grew wider, showing all of his teeth, he could feel his cheeks aching from the smiling he was doing but he cared not! His bro was soooooo nice! And Johnny-boy was here and being adorkable and oh gog he was soooo HAPPY!

Noted Original-Dave, who was crammed into the back of his mind was also quite happy, but still was freaking the fuck out because some freaky happy-sweet juju was acting all kinds of hellish dorkiness in his body, seriously what in the world were the heart-framed sunglasses he was wearing and oh damn his HAIR was-

Trickster Dave simply ignored the incredulous whining of the Original-Dave, it was simply an annoying buzzing in the back of his head that he could easily ignore.

He knew he would not be here forever, and he wanted to have the most fun he could possibly have while making sure Johnny-boy knew exactly what he felt...

That and he was very aware that Original-Dave felt the same way and wanted to make sure he saw all the marks HE was making on his love, trapped inside his own body... Trickster-Dave didn't hate Original-Dave, no he just wanted to get rid of the fear that Johnny-boy wouldn't be theirs.

While Trickster-Dave was obsessing, John had approached Bro, and coughed awkwardly to get the attention of the pale blond who was comparing two bags of onions.

"Mr. Strider?" John said next, when the older man nodded to show he was listening.

"Just call me Bro, John." Bro interrupted, John bobbed his head in nervous agreement.

"Okay...uh, Bro, I was just wondering if it's really okay for me to stay at your place I mean I could-" John started, but Bro snorted softly and shook his head.

"Dave wants you there, and with how he is right now I don't know what he'll do if his 'Johnny-Boy' isn't with him, that and it's not any problem anyway I don't mind the lil' man bringing his friends over." Bro assured him.

Dave's smile softened just slightly, he had inched towards them and had overheard their conversation, he loved how his Bro was now, and hoped that he never stopped being the amazing big brother he was.

Ten minutes later they had finished their rounds of the store and were now paying for the stuff, Dave was waiting for them as John and Bro bagged the goods and paid.

They ended up with six bags, and Bro carried two in each hand while Dave held the last two which were the lightest out of the bunch, John looked between them as they were walking back to the Strider home and slapped his hand to his mouth to keep a snort from escaping.

Dave tilted his head and looked at John, sunglasses sliding down his nose slightly to show his pink swirly eyes ( Just to clarify, his iris is pink and he has a black spiral design on his iris that spirals into his pupil. ) John blushed, he didn't do a very good job at hiding his amusement.

"What's funny? Is it a joke?! Jooooohnnn, tell meee!" Dave whined, eyebrows pinching together in what was a very pouty puppy-dog face.

"It's just, you and Bro look so unique and kinda strange- no offence, and you're just carrying shopping bags and-" John snorted again, giggling at the image in his head. "You would be really weird house-wives!" He burst into laughter, clutching his stomach and bending over slightly.

Bro rose an eyebrow, looking at Dave who was now giggling loudly at what John had said.

"I wouldn't be a housewife..." Bro started, smirking as he quickly put the bags down and took his cap off, running his hand through his hair he placed a hand on his hip and added "I'd be THE Housewife." John and Dave had been watching, and had then promptly fallen over into uncontrollable fits of laughter.

"Oh...my...god..." John wheezed through his laughs, "I...cant...BREATHE!" He fell into the shaking, silent laughs that you would only do when you couldn't stop laughing but had no breath to create any noise.

Dave was still giggling crazily, holding his stomach and curling up slightly "It huuuurts! Pfftt-HAHAHAHA THE HOUSWIFE!" He repeated Bro's words, and John had only just started catching his breath back when he then snorted and fell back into pained laughter.

Bro watched them, he had put his cap back on and readjusted his triangular shades. Picking up three bags in one hand and three in another Bro waited until they had some semblance of calm before speaking.

"C'mon I know my humor is amazing but we need to get back to our place before the apple juice goes warm." Dave and John leaned against each other, helping themselves up.

John nodded, subconsciously his hand slid down to entwine with Dave's. Dave smiled and pushed his sunglasses back up to the bridge of his nose, and tightened his grip on John's hand.

The three of them walked back to the apartment building, neither Dave nor John noticing they had not let go of each-others hands.

Bro smirked.

'You go, lil' man, win that Washington dork.' he thought in encouragement.

–

AND FINITO!

I liked that, did you like that? I liked that.

I wrote this quite quickly, and hopefully this is longer than last time.

Okaay, I hope you enjoyed this.

I will probably update soon, because I still have a lot of ideas for the next chapter.

Review, Fave, Follow.

Constructive criticism is appreciated, although flames will just be used to heat my laptop on cold winter nights.

Homestuck doesn't belong to me, it belongs to Sata- I mean, Andrew Hussie...

Killing off freaking everyone- "Grumble grumble grumble"

Byeeee!


	3. Chapter 3

I am SO sorry for being so late.

Exams, controlled assessments, re-takes, mock exams, solo performances... The works, it's not a very great term for me :S, last 3 weeks of the year and it's piling up.

Nevermind!

Lizzie7829! My first question on this site! Ever! … No seriously thanks, you are the first one to ask me a question.

Now, when you are writing in character you gotta take into account all characters have different looks, personalities and quirks. John is a dorky kind of person, and has a very mischievous side to him and usually has a plan to prank at least one person every two or so days, he also acts quite polite to people he sees as 'authority' like guardians, teachers, people like that and he is usually polite to strangers. John with his friends is quite silly and goofy because he is used to being the joker, and when he wants to be he is quite sarcastic.

Oh, yeah and he's allergic to peanuts and fucking HATES Betty Crocker goods and any sweets.

Dave Strider is quite snarky, he's usually very calm and tries to embody his older bro who he finds the coolest thing he's ever met but when he gets frustrated or talks about things he is interested about he starts rambling. He loves mixing 'beats' and making music with his turntables, he never takes off his sunglasses. Dave thinks that the swords all around his house are shitty swords and is creeped out by his brothers Lil Cal and the smuppets. He loves apple juice but doesn't trust drinking AJ because he always thinks that someone may have pissed in the bottle. Basically, John acts like a dork with a major nerd-crush on Nicholas Cage, and Dave acts cool and sarcastic, and usually calls John out on being 'Egderp'

I hope this helps... if not just tell me and I'll explain further!

I hope you like this chapter.

–

John and Dave were sat on the couch, watching Bro as he methodically stuffed the fridge and cupboards, sometimes cursing as a few smuppets he forgot were there fell from behind the doors.

"How the hell did I not notice there were so many freaking smuppets..." Bro grumbled to himself, glaring at the small pile in the middle of the kitchen. "You get ONE hobby then BAM suddenly it's everywhere." He sighed, picking them up and taking them to his room after he finished putting all of the food away.

When Bro closed the door behind him, obviously to sort out the mess his room had become after collecting the smuppets form around the house, Dave turned to John grinning widely.

"Johnnyyyy..." He started, shuffling closer to John who gulped nervously and watched Dave, who's teal hair fell over his face as he tilted his head cutely.

"Do you wanna play a game?" Dave giggled, face getting closer to John's.

"Errr... Sure! What kinda game?" John agreed quickly, smiling a little, overbite making it look even cuter to Dave, who's eyes lit up with happiness and quickly grabbed John's shoulders.

"I want to play the pocky game!" Dave said loudly, John placed his hands on Dave's arms.

"Dave, you don't HAVE pocky..."John was glad, he didn't want to play such a weird game!

He wasn't a homosexual!

Dave frowned, but quickly got up, "I have an ideaaaa!" He danced to the kitchen, taking out a box of strawberries and a sharp knife then running to sit back down next to John, who froze at the sight of said knife.

Dave opened the box, taking the knife and cutting off the green stems of the strawberries and putting them back into the box, he put the knife onto the lid that was set onto the table and placed the box between them.

"We'll play with strawberries instead! Hehehehe, I knew I was smart!" Dave giggled madly, watching as John went slowly pink and sagged in defeat.

"Ugh...fiine." John opened his mouth, gently biting down onto the strawberry placed between his teeth to keep it in place, blushing slightly harder when Dave bit onto the other end.

Dave felt excitement race through his body and make the jumbled thoughts in his head fly around even faster, he nibbled the strawberry growing closer to John who seemed to be frozen in place.

John's eyes were wide, oh god would Dave really-

Dave closed the distance, quickly slipping out his tongue to get what was left of the strawberry, swiping against John's lips and teeth.

John shivered.

Yes, Dave would.

Dave smirked, ignoring the screaming and profanities of Original-Dave in the back of his head, reaching to the box and grabbing a large strawberry, quickly pulling back and shoving it in his mouth and while John's was still opened slammed their lips together, passing the strawberry between them.

In the corners of John's mind he could hear himself shouting about not being a homosexual, but the feel of the strawberry and tongue was muting his senses and making his brain all fuzzy.

Then Dave left the strawberry in his mouth and pulled back, grinning happily.

"That was fun!" Dave sung happily, taking a strawberry and biting into it.

"Wh-wha...DAVE!" John had regained his senses, and was gaping at Dave who was smiling like he was the cat that caught the canary.

"Hmmmmm?" Dave hummed teasingly, tilting his shades down and staring into John's bright blue eyes. "Yeaaa Johnny?"

"I-I am not a _homosexual_! Dave! You know that!" John squeaked indignantly, Dave giggled loudly.

"I knooow! It was just a game! We don't have to play any mooore!" Dave nodded to John, who sighed quietly in relief.

"Well, did I walk into an awkward situation." Bro's deep tenor was heard from the doorway to the kitchen, John whirled around in horror to see Dave's big brother/guardian leant against door with a slightly upturned lip showing his amusement. "Want big bro to leave the little loves alone?" He teased, watching Dave hunch over in roaring laughter as John shrieked in panic.

"I-IT'S NOTHING LIKE THAT !" John waved his hands wildly in front of his face, feeling the burn in his cheeks.

Dave watched as John steadily grew even darker in the face, wondering how red John could go before all the blood flooding to his face would cause him to faint.

He bit his lip, eyes sparkling as he watched John freak out and Bro watch the black haired boy in veiled amusement.

He wondered how red he could make John go before he started begg-

Dave hissed under his breath as a sharp spike of pain stabbed his head, damn Original-Dave had flipped his shit and was now yelling at him, slamming against the barrier and tearing at the seams.

Putting a hand to his forehead he closed his eyes, face now twisted into an angered frown, the sound of his pain had gained Bro's attention, whose senses were honed and trained to pick up small sounds.

"Lil' man, what's wrong?" He approached, John had turned to Dave, and is eyebrows had furrowed in concern.

"It's just fiiiiine.." Dave said, the slightly distorted notes in his voice made it seem rather creepy, and the light pink swirly eyes that were peeking out from behind his sunglasses were wide with rage and mania. "Give Davey-wavey a minute..." Bro hummed slightly, nodding and sitting next to Dave, watching him carefully.

John slowly sat on the other side of Dave, slightly nervous at touching the trickster who had molested his mouth earlier – he went slightly redder at that thought- he placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Dave?" John's voice was gentle, and Dave latched onto it as he slammed the Original-Dave back behind the walls, rebuilding them. Leaning back onto Bro, Dave peered up at John sleepily.

"Jooohn...nnyy, I feel ssooooo sleepy all of a suuuuddenn..." Dave's speech had become slightly slurred. The attack on Trickster-Dave's dominant mind had left him without energy, as he had used a lot of it getting Original-Dave back into the walls he had built.

Swaying Dave slid sideways and into Bro's chest, who frowned, raising a hand to Dave's forehead, not warm, picking up a limp wrist and squeezing to check his pulse.

It was normal. Bro nodded, Dave was just tired. After what seemed like...

An attack? A spasm? Or was it Dave trying to regain control of his own body?

Bro hoped nothing too hectic would happen on this however long escapade with Trickster-Dave, cause he swore Lil Cal was laughing at him whenever he walked into his room.

Oh geez, if he had to hear him giggle about his terrible luck ONE more time.

That stuffing was premium, but I have enough money to replace it, Bro thought menacingly.

John watched, concerned before relaxing slightly as Bro nodded to him, slipping arms around Dave and lifting him up, walking to Dave's room to set him down on the bed.

"He's okay?" John asked, just to make sure, as he followed behind Bro.

"Lil' man just got tired, no worries, just a lil' shuteye and he'll be up an' at it." Bro reassured the Washington dork.

John released a relieved sigh- that suspiciously sounded like "Pshchooo..." but...whatever, at least Dave was okay...

Minus the whole, Trickster crazy stuff...

And the fainting...

And the ki- John slapped himself in the face, to knock the thought out of his head, before pausing in horror as he realised.

He just slapped himself...

In front of Bro Strider...

Oh gog. "You...alright?" Oh, great, now he almost wanted Bro to kick him out of the house for being an absolute bonkers nutcase.

"Oh- no I'm fine!" John chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his head.

Bro nodded, well, Dave's friends WERE strange...

He just hoped this one wasn't too bad.

–

Not as long as I had hoped.

But I wanted to give you some progress at least.

Real sorry for the wait but I hoped you liked it anyway!

Reviews, constructive criticism, follows and faves are forever conserved in my thorny heart.

Flames just help me cook dinner.

See you next chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

Oh my gosh, 11 reviews in 3 chapters! Wow, that's awesome, from now on I'm gonna reply to reviews! Cause I love the support I'm getting it really makes me wanna update quicker!

I am going to be updating faster by the way, summer holiday is on the way and I really can't wait.

Rockband80: Thank yoou! And omg you call me Lil Bro that is awesome 3, I will keep going! Just you wait!

F4BP30PL3: Yay I did! Finally I updated! Sorry for the long wait! Hopefully I'll be quicker hahaha.

ShippingSeer: I love that you love this! And you have an awesome username, by the way, and I thank you for thinking that my story is cute I can't believe people haven't thought of writing Trickster!Dave X John yet...

GoggleHeadOtaku: Hehehe, I love flame repellent jokes a lot, it's awesome that I made up one that makes you think that!

Okay, that's all for now, I love your reviews and I really hope to get more this chapter!

So read on, enjoy, bla-de-bla- WAIT

I just want to say this, if you like Broadway Karkat... or John... or Dave... I will be including songs from them... Just a heads up, if you don't' feel free to skip it I don't mind.

"Demonic voice" OR DO I?!- Naaa, haha I don't.

Hope you like this chapter!

–

Trickster-Dave glared at Original-Dave, a bright pink sword with a strawberry shaped guard in his hand as he stood in front of Original-Dave.

"This is my body for now, I'M just ACTING on OUR feelings!" Trickster-Dave's voice was heavily distorted, like a scratched vinyl record, far worse than in the real world, his body in Dave's mind fizzled and glitching. Original-Dave however was standing tall, wearing his God-Tier Knight of Time outfit, aviator shades hiding the crimson rage from sight, but his lips were tugged downwards into a deep frown and he was holding Caledscratch.

"Get your shitty juju influence the fuck out of my hella-fine body and stay the hell away from Egderp, or do you want a piece of whoop-ass ownage on your glitch-ass?" Dave's voice was smooth, monotone, but even Trickster-Dave shivered at the dark anger in his words.

"MAAyBeeee you DIDN'T ReaLIZE WHAT i'm SA-SaaYING!" Trickster-Dave spoke, distortion becoming even more extreme with mania, flipping the strawberry sword in his hand, before catching it again. "I OWNnn this bOdy right now! AaanD aNY-ny-nyWAY... wE BOOOTH loooooooooo-lo-lo-VEE Joooohnny..." Trickster-Dave smirked, coming forward, twitchily tilting his head to the side, Original-Dave took a step back, disturbed at the sight of the Trickster's glitchy movement.

"You want to take a fuckin' bite out of John, you fucker better recognize that even if you control MY body- that ain't lasting long, by the fuckin' way- that you are shit crazy if you think you can do anything to him without me beating your ass outta the next timeline." Original-Dave snarled.

"Then Why-y-y-yyyy wOooont yOU ShArE himmmm?" Trickster-Dave came even closer, a wall erecting itself behind Original-Dave and trapping him as he backed up. A pink blade embedded itself into the wall next to Original-Dave's neck. "Yooou wi-w-w-wiiil noooOoot let MEEE HuRT JohnnNNyy...AnnDD we'l-l-l-llll haVeee him AaaaaAlll to OuRSeeeellves!" Trickster-Dave giggled madly, coming very close to the other and licking his chin with a creepily long tongue that dripped with pink saliva.

Dave shuddered in horror, what the fuck was going on in his mind?

"No, he'll kill me, you're me, ain't you?" Dave started, wiping the discomfort from his voice, " I die, you die, if you don't fade away first." He plastered on a smirk as the Trickster paused, pink swirly eyes locking with his.

"WhaaAat? Noo, Johnn-n-nnyyy iSS tooooo gentle..." Trickster-Dave protested, what was Original-Dave talking about? Johnny-boy never would hurt Davey, he knew from the way Johnny-boy reacted to his flitations.

Without disgust, blushing like a virgin- well, he was one but nevermind- and all around cute homo who didn't even know it yet.

Didn't Dave see it? Obviously, Trickster-Dave could see it clear as day...

And his mind was jumbled up and glitchy.

Did Original-Dave really not notice it? A face splitting smirk crossed Trickster-Dave's face, that was interestiiing... Maybe he could use that, even if he didn't last long enough to see John and Davey get together- a twinge of pain at the thought, but he brushed it away.

He'd be dead, and time would go on...Tick-tock, tick-tock, without him.

Trickster-Dave just knew he needed to leave his mark on the people around him, otherwise he'd just be transferred to a different Dave.

Again... and again... always fai- he shook his head vigorously, shocking Original-Dave, who peered at the Trickster who seemed to be fighting with himself.

"I-Iiii'm wa-a-aking up..." Trickster-Dave breathed, eyes becoming heavy as he swayed, the strawberry sword disintegrated as he fell backwards, disappearing into the darkness, leaving a swearing Original-Dave.

–

John was sat on the computer chair, browsing through the internet. Waiting for Dave to wake up, giving him time to think as well.

Why did Trickster-Dave make him feel so comfortable? Not as comfortable as normal Dave, but... Trickster-Dave just reminded him of a hyper teen- with homicidal thoughts and mania, John added awkwardly.

He always told himself that he wasn't homosexual, maybe for fear of being hated by the people at school at first...

But now, as he and the rest of the Sburb and Sgrub players had reached God-Tier, there was no point in going to school, as even if they had finished the game, they still lived in a version of it that was relatively peaceful, with the people around them being unaware they were even living in a game, and the 'monsters' really only being a mild nuisance with his and the others powers.

Hell, even Caliborn had grudgingly agreed to live with them, after his defeat he had sense beaten into him and had turned 'relatively-neutral'.

John Egbert was homosexual, and he had no idea how to admit it, to himself or even to the people around him. Dammit it wasn't even a problem, Rose and Kanaya were together, so were Terezi and Vriska, Sollux and Karkat, Gamzee and Tavros, Mituna and Kurloz, Jake and Dirk, Roxy and Jane and a whole bunch of other people- John hadn't had any idea he knew so many non-heterosexuals until Vriska sat him down and pulled out a list of 'Who's with who' so he didn't stay 'A completely o8livioooooooos moron'

Seriously, was he like a non-hetero magnet? It was really awkward.

John's thoughts were broken when he heard a whine, and blankets shuffling. "Dave?" He turned, so see the teal-haired boy sit up, rubbing his eyes behind the pink heart-shaped sunglasses.

"Yeeaaaaaaa?" Dave trilled, head falling to the side as he smiled up at him. "Jooohnny?"

"You alright now?" John asked, getting up to sit beside Dave, who nodded quickly, sliding forward to place his forehead against John's shoulder.

"Yooou...would never...kiiiillll me, right?" Dave whispered into his neck, nearly making John shiver, before he realised what Dave was saying and pulled his head up to look into his eyes in shock.

"Kill you?! Gog, what are you asking me that for! Of course not! Never! If I hurt my best bro then I better go burn my Nic Cage posters because I wouldn't deserve that man's visage on my wall!" John replied in shock, gaping at Dave who started smiling, coming closer to hug John tightly but loose enough so John didn't feel any strain.

"That's amaziing...Thank goooog.." Dave purred, wrapping lithe arms around John happily, mentally sticking out his tongue at Original-Dave, who was grumbling about how John's mind would soon change about that.

He knew John just as well as Original-Dave, but his different mind made it easier to see what John really felt...

Now if only he could get to two silly-billies to play house and kiss.

He snorted, peering at the grin John had cracking his face, the overbite making it look truly adorable and childish.

A spark of possessive envy ran through his body, that would never be truly his...

As this body really did belong to Dave Strider. Not Trick Dave Strider.

He was just a glitch in the game.

Dave sighed, tightening his hold on John, shuffling to sit against the wall, pulling John into his lap and ignoring the surprised yelp of the black-haired dork.

As long as this lasted, he thought, tucking his chin into John's collarbone.

He would willingly give the lovely boy over to Other Dave.

–

Oh my, I did this in one sitting, well that is surprising, this is kinda angsty :/ well, I am trying to build Trickster-Dave's character so he doesn't just seem like a giggly annoying glitchy Dave.

I want some sympathy from Original-Dave and John.

Hehehee... I might even have a plan for the whole 'fading away thing' hehehehehehe...

Ahem, not like I'M going to reveal anything yet! Better get theorising my dear detectives and spelunkers!

Hope you enjoyed this, review, constructive criticism is appreciated and so are follows and favourites.

However, I shall collect flames to burn the pictures of JohnXVriska and KarkatxTerezi...

"Shudder"

Seeya next time!

Alkoi.


	5. Chapter 5

Hi! New chapter, I hope you like it!

Just finished my exams this year, 6 WEEKS FREEEEE!

Okay, I hope you like this chapter, and I will be updating faster and with longer chapters now!

Yay!

–

John, Dave and Bro had home-cooked mac'n'cheese ( Which, surprisingly to Bro, he had skill in cooking meals. ) and John and Dave sat in Dave's room, rearranging the room slightly so they could lay down John's futon to sleep in.

Bro had offered to set it up for them but John, having become comfortable in the Strider home, had awoken his stubborn and goofy personality, had stood up and said "As a prideful man I will do this myself!" And then meekly added "If that's alright..Bro."

Bro was okay with it, but jokingly warned John not to get 'all up and personal' with Dave in case he walked in, John was promptly red for the rest of dinner.

"Dave! Oh-WA-ACK!" John was about to complain about the floor that was basically made out of wires, but tripped on one that slightly stuck out.

"Woaaaaaa!" Dave caught John, stepping up to keep John from falling over, grinning into his face wickedly "Waatch it the~re Johnny-boy! Don't wannnaaa be the damsel in diiiiistresss heeey?" Dave giggled, watching as John quickly nodded, standing up straight and backing away carefully from the wires.

"Dave... I know that you LIKE the whole being so 'wicked cool I can walk across my room without tripping' shtick... But can I maybe...SUGGEST a rug?"

"Heheheeee, I guesss that's an ideaa!" Dave sung, grinning widely as he made his way to his computer. "Jooohn, my techie-glasses-things are over there, you can order whateeeeeever rug ya liiike!" He grinned, pointing over to his messy bed, where a black pair of aviators with softly glowing apple signs on the lenses sat on one of the pillows.

John nodded slowly, peering at Dave curiously as he edged his way over to the bed, grabbing the shades gently by the frames and swapping them for his glasses, his sight going slightly blurry but the crazy tech glasses – John had no IDEA where Dave had gotten them from, probably from Dirk as some present or something, had adjusted to his prescription and he could see again.

As John did what he wanted, Dave turned to his computer, it had already fired up and he already had someone pestering him...

How exciiiiiting! Dave hummed in interest, clicking onto Pesterchum, absently raising his thumb to his mouth and chewing on the flesh there.

-tentacleTherapist [ TT ] began pestering turntechGodhead [ TG ] at 18:43 -

TT : Hello, Dave.

TG : hiiiiiiii! how are yoooou roooooooooooooseyyy hehehehee

TT : I am quite fine, how are you feeling? I heard that John is staying over your place?

TG : yeaaaaaaaaaaaa im amaaaaazing! its's great having johnny-boy over!

TG: i really dont want him to leaaaaave.

TT : I suppose that's understandable, to be honest I'm hoping you confess to him over the course of his stay.

TG : heeeeees right here roooseeeyyyy hehehehe im wondering how hed react to me just grabbing him by the collar aaaaanndd

TG : taking a biiiiteee out of thaaaaat pretty

TG : little neck of hiiiis heheheheheheeee

TT : Dave, please don't attempt to harm John.

TG : oh noo iii said that

TG : iiii didnt mean tooo prooomise

TG : its just sooo tempting! ii almost cant contaaain myself

TT : Right, however, should you want to court John's partnership.

TT : I would recommend against said action.

TG : ooof course!

TT : I apologize, it seems that Kanaya needs my assistance with something.

TG : aaawww i guess thats alriiight

TG : byeeee heheheehehee

- tentacleTherapist [ TT ] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [ TG ] at 18:49 -

Dave sighed, that was slightly anticlimactic, not as interesting as he had hoped, but Rose had quelled some of his... instinctual urges. He didn't realize he had been chewing on his thumb until he tasted the coppery tang of blood, his eyes locked onto the drops of blood slipping from his thumb as he pulled it from his mouth, it was already healing but there was a lot of blood running down his hand now.

Oh...if he could just-

Ping!

Another pester? Who was it this time...ruining his thoughts...disrupting them from the bloody cuisine he was so desperately imagining on his tongue, hot and still fre-

Ping!

Argh...fiiine, Dave sighed, clicking the chumHandle of the one who was messaging him.

- carcincoGeneticist [ CG ] began trolling turntechGodhead [ TG ] at 18:53 -

CG : HEY YOU CHUTEFUCKING DOUCHEBAG.

CG : GET YOUR SHITTY EXCUSE FOR A PINK WRINKLY MONKEY ASS HERE THIS GRUBFUCKING MINUTE, YOU BETTER BE MONUMENTALLY GRATEFUL FOR MY GRACIOUS TIME WASTING ON YOUR NUMBNUTS MORONIC SELF, I HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN SIT ON MY BULGE ALL FUCKING DAY WAITING FOR SOME NOOKWHIFFING GALLIVANTING SCUM LIKE YOU, BUT YOU WOULDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT TIME WASTING WOULD YOU STRIDER SINCE YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE SO MUCH OF IT ON YOUR INEXPERIENCED WRIGGLER HANDS.

TG : aaaawww kaaarklless i didnt know you were so concerned with taaaaaalking to me

TG : iiiiiii thought you hated little old me?

CG : OH MY GOG, NO YOU INSUFFERABLE PRICK I DO NOT GIVE ONE SHIT FOR YOUR TINY HUMAN BRAIN DROOLING NUGATORY TEXT INTO MY ALREADY AGONIZED LOOKSTUBS AS I SIT HERE THANKING ANY AND ALL OMNIPOTENT BEINGS THAT HAVE BEEN PROVEN FICTITIOUS THAT I CANNOT SMELL YOUR MOOBEAST-SHIT WITH MY ETERNALLY THANKFUL SNIFFNODES OR HAVE YOUR GRATING VOICE MANGLE MY AURICULAR SPONGE CLOTS.

TG : whaaaaoooo karkitty you suuuuure are fired up hehehehehee

TG : whaat did ya neeeeed me for anywaaaay?

CG : I HAVE BEEN INFORMED OF YOUR WITLESS CONSUMPTION OF A PARTICULAR FUCKING SWIRL LOLLIPOP, ARE YOU ALWAYS SUCH A DULLARD OR DID YOUR SUPREME HUMAN-LUSUS-THING YOU CALL 'BRO' NOT INFORM YOU OF THAT HANDY FUCKING RULE OF...

CG : OH I HAVE SEEMED TO HAVE FORGOTTEN SUCH AN IDIOT-PROOF RULE! OH WAIT A FUCKING MINUTE MY THINK-PAN HAS PHENOMENALLY RECALLED SUCH ARRANGEMENT OF FORBIDDING WORDS!

CG : DON'T TALK TO STRANGERS, DON'T TAKE FOOD FROM STRANGERS, DONT FOLLOW STRANGERS!

TG : iiii doooont have a clue whyyyy your sooo caught up!

TG : its not like it can be aaaavoided noooow hehehehehee

CG : UNFORTUNATELY, NOW I HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL SOMEONE AROUND HERE CAN HOLD ANY INSIGHTFUL CONVERSATIONS AND THE ONLY AVAILABLE SENTIENCE IN THIS PESTILENTIAL HIVE IS AN INTOXICATED CLOWN-FACED SUBJUGGULATOR.

CG : BECAUSE FOR SOME INSCRUTABLE REASON EVERYONE HAS GONE OFF TO ENJOY THE SPECTACLES OF THIS ABHORRENT WORLD, AND THE JOHN-HUMAN DECIDED TO TAKE UP LIVING WITH YOUR SECTIONABLE BEING.

TG : iiis the only reason you caaame to me was to moooaaan?

TG : iiim soooo bored.

TG : if you arent going to heeeelp then goooo aaawaaaaayyyyy

CG : YOUR ALMOST AS BAD AS YOURSELF WHEN YOU AREN'T INEBRIATED ON SUGARY CONCOCTIONS, ONLY YOU HAVE AN EXCEEDINGLY ANNOYING TEXT QUIRK AND A THINK-PAN ACHE INDUCING PSYCHEDELIC FREAK OUT ASSORTMENT OF PASTEL COLOR PAINTING YOUR ABSOLUTELY SENSELESS WORDS.

CG : WAIT A SECOND.

CG : NO, ACTUALLY YOU ARE SIGNIFICANTLY WORSE THAN YOUR NORMAL SELF.

TG : you are reaaaaally mean

TG : iiim much better than dave

CG : RIGHT, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY THE EVER LOVING FUCK I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU, IT WASN'T LIKE I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT YOU WERE A TERRIBLE SOURCE OF CONVERSATION, ESPECIALLY SINCE YOUR INTELLIGENCE ONLY STRETCHES AS FAR AS WHERE THAT GRUB-SAUCE YOU LOVE SO FUCKING MUCH IS POSITIONED INSIDE OF THE THERMAL HULL.

CG : I'M LEAVING, HAVE A FUCKING TERRIFIC DAY, YOU ANNOYING, BRAINLESS, BULDGESMOKING DUMBSHIT.

TG : yooou tooo karkleees!

- carcinoGeneticist [ CG ] ceased trolling turntechGodhead [ TG ] at 19:01 -

Dave spun his chair around to look at John, putting his chin in the palm of his hand as his arm was propped up on his knee, smiling as he saw John pull off the glasses.

"Did ya get aa ruuuug?" Dave crooned, watching as John blushed slightly.

"Yeah, it's red and blue and it looks awesome and-" John was starting to run his mouth, before Dave speedily flew over to him, sitting next to him and placing a finger to his lips.

"Red and bluueee? Our coloooours... How niiiice of you." Dave giggled, but John wasn't focused on him but the blood that had slightly dried on his hand.

"What happened to your hand?" John said, concern soaking his words, gently grabbing the appendage.

Dave smiled slightly wider, cheeks perpetually hurting, but still smiling, John was so gentle he just wanted to wrap him up in blankets and keep him from everything that could damage him...

Maybe he could even... Dave breathed out slowly, watching as John leaned over to grab the bag he had left on the floor by the bed, grabbing a pack of wet-wipes and pulling one out.

John returned the pack of wet-wipes to his bag and started to clean the blood from Dave's hand.

"What happened?" He asked softly.

"I was chewing my thumb..." Dave replied distantly, staring at the bright blue eyes locked onto his hand, that was now only slightly bleeding compared to the mangled flesh his thumb had been. "It tasted...good..." He added dazedly.

John started slightly, right... Tricksters were instinctively cannibalistic. Dave was... a shiver of fear went down his spine.

"Try not to next time... okay?" John requested gently, throwing the bloody wet-wipe into the bin and getting up from the bed.

Dave nodded, refocusing and getting up to help John lay the futon down on the floor after clearing a space for it.

"Okay, good!" John nodded, clapping his hand together and grinning happily.

Dave giggled, floating next to John happily, arms wrapped around his knees.

"What do you wanna dooo nooow?" Dave asked John, who struck a goofy thinking pose, a hand holding his chin as he 'hmmmmm'ed.

"You got any movies?" John grinned at Dave, who smiled excitedly as he pointed to the tall collection of DVD's.

"Yuuuup!"

They had situated themselves on the chair so John, the smaller -of the two would sit in between Dave's legs on the large gaming chair at his computer, after putting in the movie – Tenacious D, the Pick of Destiny – they had settled in to watching an awesome Jack Black film.

They had gotten through about 3 movies, and now it was about 1 o'clock in the morning, and both of them were very tired, John shuffled carefully over to the futon, lying down and getting comfortable.

"Dave?" John called, pulling the covers further over him, it was cold season in Texas where Dave was living, and it was chilly.

"Yeeeees?" Dave cooed out softly, half focused on quelling the urges that were stroking the insides of his head.

"Good night, Dave." John said, placing his glasses in a glasses case and placing it on the pillow next to him.

"Nightie niight."

–

Dave shivered, hands shaking as he sat on the floor, a board and his strawberry sword in front of him.

He needed to do this, to get rid of it, adrenaline would help...

It needed to...blood had to be spilt, but it had to be his, not John's definitely not John's.

Dave breathed out slowly, taking the strawberry sword by the hilt, lying his hand on the board he spread his fingers out as far as possible.

He remembered, Bro told Original-Dave about the game, even did it in front of him, saying how the adrenaline would help keep you from hitting your fingers.

He even remembered the song...

"Now there's an old tradition

A game we all can play

You start by getting liquored up and sharpening your blade

You take a shot of whiskey

You take your knife and pray

You spread out your fingers and this is what you say!"

Dave grinned, eyes now maniacal as he sung softly, raising his sword, then stabbing it down, between his fingers in a rhythm. ( For an idea, search on YouTube for Knife Game Song. )

"Oh, I have all my fingers  
The knife goes Chop Chop Chop  
If I miss the spaces between  
my fingers will come off  
And if I hit my fingers, blood will soon come out  
But all the same I play this game, cause that's what's it's all about!"

Dave didn't notice, but the sound of him singing and the thud of the sword hitting the board had woken John up, and he groggily shuffled in his futon, opening his eyes blindly and slowly opening the glasses case to put his glasses on.

"No you can't use a pencil. You cannot use a pen,  
The only way is with a knife when danger is your friend  
And some may call it stupid, some may call it dumb  
But all the same we play this cause it's so damn fun!"

John fumbled with his glasses, putting them on the right way he looked in the direction of the noise, gasping quietly as he watched Dave stab the spaces in between his fingers, singing the disturbing song that disrupted his sleep.

"Oh! I have all my fingers  
The knife goes Chop Chop Chop  
If I miss the spaces in between  
My finger will come off  
But all the same I play this game, cause that's what's it's all about!"

Dave's grin was disturbingly wide, cheeks hurting and eyes glimmering with blood lust and mania.

The stabbing got even quicker, Dave's singing doing the same. John was fumbling with the futon covers, kicking them off panicking and crawled quickly over to Dave.

"Oh! Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop!  
I'm picking up the speed  
And if I hit my finger  
Then my hand will start to bleed!"

Dave went to slam the knife down in the space behind his thumb, but was startled by John, wide-eyed and scared rushing towards him, the knife going off course and-

Snikt!

Thud..

Drip...Drip...Drip...

–

HOPE YOU LIKED IT :D.

Loved doing this chapter, hope you will like the next one!

That will be out soon!

Rate and review! Constructive criticism appreciated.

Flames will help warm my sausage rolls in the oven.

Alkoi~


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